Episode 6: Trogdor and the Love Delta

thorvald the Great and Mighty said...
I think that Thor should ravage and destroy a McDonalds... I might cry a tear of happiness if this happens. Also, the myna should be named something really feminine, like "rainbow dust". Oh and the origin of 'Neil-ism' can only be found in the legendary piñata, made from the carcass of the ancient beast known as Trogdor... that should be enough.

Robert van Wye said...
AWESOME!!!

John Medfords said...
They should take Thor to a circus and introduce him to cotton candy. The blue kind.

Syonik said...
The myna should be named "valkyrie" as i said before it was introduced.

As we continue…
As they leave Frodo’s house, Thor can’t help but think that there was something slightly odd about that Neilist. So they decide to investigate further into the origin of Neilism. But first, some food.
“Where do you want to eat?” Keldon asks Neil.
“I don’t know, where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know, where do…hey! I asked you first!”
“Well, there’s always McDonalds.”
As they approach the building, Thor espies the golden arches.
“This is a symbol of evil! This building and all associated with it must be a corporation that embodies all the evils of mankind!”
So he whips out his hammer, gives the wall a mighty smack, and waits for it to crumble. It doesn’t. He hits it one more time. Nothing.
“Kamehameha!” he yells and thwacks it again with all his force.
The building suddenly explodes outward with a mighty boom.
“Now what do we eat?” asks Keldon.
“How about T-Bell?” Neil responds.
“Sure.”
So they head over to the nearest Taco Bell. It happens to be closed for renovations, however, so they decide to instead take a road trip down to Mexico.
“Are we there yet?” Thor asks.
“No.” Keldon answers.
“How about now?”
“No! Don’t ask me again. We’ll get there when we get there!”
“Keldy, Thor’s poking me!” Neil whines.
“He called my myna Rainbow Valkyrie!”
“It has a colorful sheen!”
“But that’s a girly name!”
“How do you know it’s not a girl?”
“Well I just don’t like that name.”
“I like the name.” Kelsey interjects.
“You stay out of it!”
“Well I was just giving my opinion.”
“QUIET!!!” Keldon yells. “Now then, everyone will be completely silent until we finally get to the…oh look, there’s the border!”
They pass across the border and immediately find a nice little restaurant. They head inside and order some food. After they’ve all eaten their fill of burritos and guacamole they head back outside. Neil is immediately attacked by fifteen people wearing clothes bearing anti-Neil sentiment.
“It’s just a name, I had nothing to do with it! It’s out of my control! Why are you attacking me?”
They continue to beat him. After a few minutes slowly pass by, Thor decides to help Neil. With one mighty swing of his hammer he sends the Neilists flying through the air until they eventually set down (softly in a tree) in Paraguay.
“Why do people keep attacking me just because my name is Neil?”
“Psssst,” whispers a shady looking character from a little alleyway between the rundown buildings.
They walk over and ask him what he wants.
“I know the origin of this ‘Neilism.’”
“What is it?”
“When my great-grandfather Pepe de la Boca Grande defeated the great monster Trogdor he split open the stomach and found something inside. It, when studied closely, was the scratching of his last victim. It said ‘Lien.’ Since lien is Neil backwards, many people decided that Neil must be the name of the Evil One. So they have been finding and killing all the Neils that they can.”
“But that’s completely absurd!” Kelsey says.
“Meh. We do what we can for entertainment these days,” the smallish man retorts. “The other day we took Trogdor’s carcass and made a giant piñata out of it.”
“That’s disgusting!” Kelsey exclaims.
“We’d better get out of here before more people attack me,” Neil interrupts.
“Well our weapons won’t be ready for three more days so let’s go do something fun.” Keldon says.
“Have you ever been to a circus?” Kelsey inquires of Thor.
“What is that?”
“Let’s go to a circus!” Kelsey exclaims.
Back in the good old U.S. of A. they find a wonderful little circus. They see the rides outside the circus tent and decide to go on a couple.
“Who wants to go on the ferris wheel with me?” Kelsey asks.
Thor and Neil immediately start jumping up and down and shouting, “Me me me me me!”
“Well, I guess you’ll both have to take turns.”
“Dibs on firsties!” Neil says.
“Shoot.”
“Well, while they’re up there how about I introduce you to cotton candy?” asks Keldon.
“Fine.”
A few minutes later.
“What is this amazing concoction? It’s better than fried squirrel! And trust me, that’s good. Get me more.”
“Please.”
“What’s that?”
“We say please.”
“Oh. Get me more…please?”
“That’s better.”
“Your turn!” Kelsey says as she seemingly appears out of nowhere.
“Whoopie! I’ll be back for that cotton candy, Keldon. But it may be a while…”

So we come to the end of the episode. We now see that Thor and Neil must contend for Kelsey’s love. How should they prove their worth and devotion? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome. Updates will usually be on Saturdays.

Episode 5: The Emergence of Neil-ism

Corbin Bleu said...
They untie him as he reveals who did this dastardly deed to him.

Syonik said...
thor smashes the pole with one mighty swing of his hammer to the top of the pole, then declares victory over the pole before throwing the little man onto the anvil and forcing information out of him.

Anonymous said...
btw, i think that people outside the story/scene should give general directions and anyone who is actually a character should have primary control over their character. Just thought that might be cool.

(People with characters in the story now have greater control over their character)

As we continue...
Thor grasps his mighty hammer, swings it up out of his inside pocket in a huge strong arc and brings it down hard on top of the pole. The pole cracks in half and the man jumps free.
"Woohoo!" Thor yells, "I am victorious. You flimsy poles are no match for a mighty warrior!"
"What do you have against Polish people?" asks the man who was formerly tied up.
"What?" Thor yells as he hurls the man onto the anvil and pushes his hammer handle against his throat.
"Never mind. My name is Will and I am a maker of fine weaponry."
"Who tied you up?"
"A man in black who goes by the name of...Frodo!"
"Oh. Is that all?"
"Yep. How may I aid you? Are you perhaps in need of some questing itemry?"
"Umm...yes. What do you have on hand?"
"Well right now I have a sale on traditional Norse swords, shields, and armor."
Thor thought about it for a while.
"How much money do you have?" he asks Keldon.
"Due to my experiments in alchemy I can, through a large amount of hard work, create gold! So don't worry about it."
Thor removes Will from the anvil and gives him a moment to catch his breath.
"Umm...we'll take a full suit of armor, three swords, and a shield and a half."
"Why do you want a half shield?" asks Neil.
"I SAID A HALF SHIELD!"
"Okay, okay, I just wanted to know."
"That'll cost 12,872 dollars. They'll be ready on Tuesday." Will interjects.
Suddenly a bearded man with a sledgehammer jumped through the doorway.
"Death to all Neils!" he shouts.
As Neil falls to the ground, being beaten over and over, Thor kicks the man in the sweet spot and he crumples into a fetal position. They tie him up and leave him outside the house as they are exiting.

So we come to the end of the episode. They have some downtime to catch Thor up on modern culture. Where should they go? What should they name the myna? Does Neil try to find out the origin of this Neil-ism? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome. Updates will usually be on Saturdays.

Episode 4: How Thor Met Frodo or Neil Plays Pokémon

JIMMY MIC JIMMER said...
FRODO'S HOUSE he knows everything. He could give them guitar hero guitars to kill the bad guys

Ben Amundson said...
They could go to Burger King and get some crowns. Or ask the king to pass a legislation.

Syonik said...
i'm sorry, but those are pretty useless comments. thor should inquire about where he may find raiments suitable for a nordic warrior. he should also aquire some sort of flying animal sidekick named valkyrie.

Keldy said...
I agree with Jimmy McJimmster -
Frodo knows all, so they should seek his counsel. Frodo should inform them about something evil that wants to destroy them and everyone, but send them on some journey quest.
But that's just me.

kelsey said...
thanks for putting me in it!!!

Liom "Ders" Fjordson said...
Thor, the no longer Thorvald, sees, valuable informations, attached to a wild goshawk in the sky. Thor jumps and bites through leather strap coated with curry. Thor gets burned, Ash has ran out of healing potion. Thor receives valuable informations for defeating wild goshawk.
WILD GOSHAHK: AWW MAN!
Thor feints on the way to poke center.

Syonik said...
wow...random

Anonymous said...
I believe that I speak for Robert Van Wye when I take this opportunity to remind everyone that the only valid commands are commands to characters that are currently controlled by the spectators. Characters not yet introduced are not able to be controlled. Also, outcomes are decided by the author.

Robert van Wye said...
Thanks, Anonymous. What a funny name!

As we continue...

"So," Neil asks Kelsey as he slyly slides beside her, "do you know where we could get some information and weaponry to aid us in our quest?"
"Well I do know this guy who's into this kind of thing."
"Oh really?" as Neil slides even closer.
"Yep."
"Take us to him," Thor interjects.
"We say please in this century," says Keldon.
"Take us to please."
"No no, it comes before take or after him."
"Take us to him it."
"Never mind."
As they leave the building, Thor sees a funny rectangular object lying on the shelf.
"What is this?"
"Oh that," says Neil, "That's my Gameboy Color."
They grab it and leave.
First they decide to get some provisions. They head on over to Burger King and grab a few Whoppers. Thor insists on getting a crown.
Next they head on over to Kelsey's friend's house. They are greeted at the door by a mysterious figure in black leggings, a black turtle neck shirt, and a long black overcoat.
"I've been expecting you," says the figure without opening his mouth, "Please come in."
"See, that's how you use please!"
"I do not understand."
"Forget it."
As they enter, they see curious pictures cluttering the wall. There are many depictions of an orange mushroom happily jumping about. The other pictures have no correlation to each other.
"Woohoo!" shouts Neil, "I caught a Rattatta!"
"That's the easiest thing in the world," says Keldon, "anyone can catch a Rattatta."
"I named it Thor."
Suddenly a tiny myna flies in the room.
"This is for you," says the mysterious figure.
"For who?" asks Thor.
"You"
Another one flies in.
"Two?"
"No."
"Now then," begins the man, "my name is Frodo. I am a quest master. I have a plethora of quests and quest related knowledge. How may I help you?"
"Well..."
"That was merely a formality. I know what you seek. I know all. First, you need to go see Will of Billings to find proper raiment for a nordic questsman. You can find him in my basement. Don't forget to untie him. Next you will need to follow the myna to the cave of all secrets."
"Cave of all secrets," the myna shouts.
"Yes, the cave of all secrets."
"Cave of all secrets."
"THEY GET THE POINT ABOUT THE CAVE OF ALL SECRETS!"
"Cave of all secrets. Stupid bird."
"Stupid bird."
"Aggh," says Neil, "Thor feinted on the way to the poké center!"
In the basement they find a little man tied to a pole. Around him lie various ores, leathers, woods, and tools of the smithing trade.
"UNTIE ME PLEASE!!!"
Well on their way to finally beginning the quest, the find themselves in a pretty open situation. What should they do? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome.

Episode 3: When a Barbaric Chieftain Met a "Nice Girl"

thorman2005 said...
Neil should take Thorvald the Great and Mighty to see the world... especially white castle.

TONY THE MAN NOT IN THE STORY YET said...
Neil should kill keldon

Syonik said...
figuratively, of course. Thorvald should hold them hostage until they explain the "magic" that brought him to 21st century Minnesota. Then he should tell them the story of himself.
and btw, his hammer definitely needs a real name. perhaps myolnear?

Syonik said...
then he should equip his hammer

Anonymous said...
neil should wipe him off with paper towl and thor has a allergic reaction!

Anonymous said...
Keldon dies!!!!!!!

Keldy said...
Neil should kill Tony

Blogger John Medfords said...
Thorvald should go on a spree of some sort. Preferably a killing one.

Elmo said...
hey... neil should rescue keldy... because keldy is cool... but thor should not die either!

kelsey said...
knickerbocker.... he should meet a girl

As we continue...
As Neil contemplates how his future is going to be without Keldon, he starts to get depressed. He glances down at his watch (it is 9:15 AM) and happens to notice a button that says "Push in case of emregncey." He can't figure out what 'emregncey' means so he just pushes it anyway. Realizing that he should have heard Keldon's skull crack by now, he looks up and sees two statues standing in animated poses.
"Wow!" he exclaims, "Emregncey must be some sort of term for stopping time!"
He decides that he should somehow keep Thorvald from killing Keldon.
"I've got it," he says to himself (and Nesbitt), "If I kill Keldon myself, Thorvald won't have the chance!"
He then pulls out his handy knife (it has a hand carved on the handle) and stabs Keldon in the chest. As Keldon explodes in a rain of sparks and metallic debris Neil realizes that there were probably better options. He then realizes that Keldon must have had some sort of bionic implant. Otherwise how could he have exploded "in a rain of sparks and metallic debris?"
At a beep from his watch Thorvald's hammer comes crashing down into the large pile of excrement (see the end of episode 2) near where Keldon had been standing.
"Well that was odd," says Keldon as he walks in from the other room, "Something must be wrong with my drone."
"Umm...it was fine a second ago," says Neil.
"Well the camera just went out."
"I have no clue what happened. It just exploded in a rain of sparks and metallic debris."
Suddenly they are both grasped by two brawny arms and lifted into the air.
"Who are you puny men and what sort of magic did you use to transport me here?" asks the very perplexed warrior.
"Put us down!" scream Keldon and Neil and, for some unknown reason, Nesbitt.
The warrior slowly lowers them to the floor and waits for his answer.
"You were frozen in a block of ice at subzero temperatures causing suspended animation for centuries until we were able to thaw you out and you woke up screaming just now," explains Keldon with a large degree of nervous shaking.
"WHAT?"
"You got froze," explains the ever helpful Neil. "In fact, you're still a little wet."
Keldon hastily grabs a paper towel from the shelf and wipes off Thorvald's chest.
"IT BURNS!"
"Hmm..." muses Keldon, "something has caused an unforeseen side effect of paper allergy."
"I didn't do anything."
"Are you sure you didn't put him in the microwave?"
"Well actually," begins Nesbitt.
Neil kicks the large machine and it whines a downward glissando-diminuendo as it goes to sleep.
"Did you just kick Nesbitt?" asks a perplexed Keldon.
"No."
The duo decides that Thorvald should be educated on the workings of modern culture so that he can be integrated into society.
"First off, we can't keep calling you Thorvald. It's kind of outdated. How about Thor?"
"Well...I guess that would be okay."
As they head to the mall, they explain the many innovations of modern technology. He has an extremely receptive mind and it goes quite well. They leave him in the car (after carefully measuring his dimensions) while they go inside so as not to upset everyone with his 'underwear.' They buy him some nice 'outdoorsy' gear and call it a day.
Back at the lab, they help him dress and even sew a pocket inside his coat so that he can conceal his hammer (which he refers to as 'myolnear'). Through the door pops a man who no words could describe.
"Excuse me, is this Quests Lmtd.? My name is Tony and my family has been kidnapped."
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" yells the ever outrageable Thor, "We must find them at once!"
"Well if you're going on a quest you're going to need a female assistant," says Neil.
"Why?"
"That's just how it's done."
"Well where can we find one?"
"We'll just head over to Assassins 'R' Us."
They enter the store and are immediately accosted by the store manager. Did I say accosted? I meant assaulted.
"We just need a female assassin!" yells Keldon as Thor reaches for his hammer. "We don't want any trouble."
"Oh. I'm so sorry. Did you want the hardened criminal type or the attractive, catch-you-off-guard type?"
"Umm...whichever's cheaper."
"Try aisle seven."
They pick out an affordable yet functional assassin (her name is Kelsey) and head to the check out counter. Back at the lab they bring her out of her suspended animation.
"Where am I?"
"Not this again..."
"Oh, I remember. I was put in suspended animation while I wait for my paycheck."
"For a hit?" asks Neil.
"A what? I was a test subject for a nasal spray."
"So you're not an assassin?"
"No."
"Well, she'll have to do anyway."

The group is assembled and ready to go but they have no weaponry and no knowledge of who they are up against. Where should they get more information? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome.

Episode 2: A Grand Solution to a Frigid Problem

Updates will normally occur on Saturdays, depending on my homework load and activities.
Mark said...
Matt Schon should break into the Scientist's Lab in the attempt to steal Thorvald's frozen body and turn it into a snow cone.

Keldy said...
Continue thawing with the hair dryer.

Horne Star said...
Neil should try to reach for a laser-heater...
And you should introduce the "bad guy" soon... :)

Elmo said...
I think because we have not really addressed the intelligence of Neil... he should continue like a good Igor would and keep blow drying
Keldon should come back with some super duper way of thawing Thor (the Great and Mighty).

Neil The Real Deal said...
I think there needs to be a love story or even a love triangle.
When Thor gets defrosted he should have to undergo some treatment to be brought back to life. When Thor wakes up he loses all muscle control and poops a poop hat has been held for centuries.

Thorvald Olson Burntvedt IV said...
Neil should use Thorvald's hammer to break ice... or
Neil should use ice pick to chip ice, being very careful of Thorvald's *********.

As we continue...
Neil continues to use the hair dryer. After a grueling thirty seconds he decides that it isn't worth it. He looks around wondering, "Now what could I break the ice with?" He ponders what would happen if only that wonderful looking hammer weren't encased in ice. Nearby lies an ice pick. He hastily grabs it and starts chipping but stops when he realizes he won't be able to keep from ripping off bits of Thorvald's body. Nearby also lies a laser-heater. He grasps the machine, which resembles a flamethrower with a crystal nozzle, and prepares to turn it on the persistent ice. Suddenly, a black-clad man named Matt Schon bursts in carrying a snow cone machine.
"Where's the ice?" Matt asks.
In a panic Neil turns the laser on Matt and cuts the head off his shoulders with the bright purple beam of light.
"Funny," thinks Neil, "I thought it would be red."
He looks at the power cell, which coincidentally is actually spelled pwer sell thanks to the wonderful Japanese translators, and realizes the heater is dead.
"Poop schnigget," he exlaims, "now I have to use something else."
He glances at the large microwave standing in the corner. He looks over at the room Keldon is currently occupying.
"Just five more minutes!" the half mad scientist yells out to him.
"Five minutes, hmm?" Neil mumbles to himself.
He quickly throws the figure into the microwave and sets the dial to 4.5 minutes.

Four minutes and thirty seconds later...
"Beep!" shouts the microwave.
"Wait a minute," Neil interjects, "did you just shout?"
"Oh yes," replies the microwave, "the good doctor programmed me with an artificial intelligence that provides me with the ability to interact with humans. My name is Nesbitt."
"Nesbitt?" asks the surprised Neil. "What kind of crazy name is Nesbitt?"
"I was named after a heater. I rather like it."
"Oh. Fine then."
Neil removes the now thawed hero from the microwave and replaces him on the table. Keldon enters the room carrying an unidentifiable machine.
"This should thaw him out quickly and safely."
"Um...the hair dryer worked."
"Really? I would have guessed it would take longer but I guess I didn't apply my margin of error."
"Yeah."
"Well it's a good thing you didn't throw him in the microwave or else he could have come out REALLY messed up."
"Well actually," begins Nesbitt.
Neil kicks the large machine and it whines a downward glissando-diminuendo as it goes to sleep.
"Did you just kick Nesbitt?" asks a perplexed Keldon.
"No."
Thor wakes up and screams as his large bowels empty the remains of what he ate hundreds of years ago. He lifts his mighty hammer and prepares to smash it over Keldon's head.

WHAT SHOULD NEIL DO? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome.

Episode 1: The Beginning...

As Thorvald the Great and Mighty surveys the waters around him, he realizes that he is royally screwed. His life flashes before his eyes. He sees his mother and father, a couple worthy of epic tales. His father is strong and skilled in the art of warfare. His mother is beautiful and is perfect in the art of healing as well as keeping house. His father trained him well. He has become the mightiest warrior in all of Norse history. His hammer is marred with the blows of enemies and his body is nearly untouched. His skill has caused many tales to be told of his exploits. He is considered unbeatable. His enemies tremble in their boots as the ground quakes beneath his. But this will not help him as he sinks into the icy waters laden down with armor. He sheds his armor but refuses to drop his mighty hammer. As the world goes black, he wonders how he will be remembered.

Cut to modern Minnesota, the Science Museum of Minnesota in St. Paul...
An unknown Norse warrior is on display, kept frozen as he was found in a block of ice, clasping a hammer to his breast and wearing only what we would consider "underwear." A shady looking character hovers near the guide ropes, glancing back and forth for guards before sneaking behind the display. He waves what looks like a Star Trek phaser with a Blackberry on top over the encased figure for a few seconds. A light flashes green. The scientist squeaks in excitement. He quickly covers his mouth and looks to see if he is noticed. He then slips away in the shadows.

Later that night...
The scientist and a moderately good looking fellow sneak into the museum through a back door. Twenty minutes later they sneak out with the icy museum piece. Back in the scientist's lab they lay it on a table and set to work thawing it out, using two industrial strength hair dryers.
"Why can't we just throw him in your giant microwave for a few minutes?" asks the moderately good looking fellow.
Keldon replies, "Because, Neil, if we thaw him out too quickly he will suffer unknown side effects. For all we know he could end up growing a brain tumor."
They proceed to thaw out the body. After three hours Keldon says he needs to go check the machine he plans to restore the warrior in.

Keldon is gone, the hair dryers will take forever, and Neil is losing patience. WHAT SHOULD NEIL DO? Leave your suggestions in the form of comments.

Inventory

INVENTORY:

1 half chewed Twix

3 pencils

1 empty chapstick tube

1 empty coin purse

365 cents in various denominations

7 photos of Tony Leair

Thorvald's Hammer:

Thorvald's famous hammer, his weapon of choice, was frozen in his mighty fist. He carries it with him. It deals a lot of damage but is slow and difficult to conceal when Thorvald is in public.

Classic Norse Sword:

Will fashioned this sword after typical Norse weaponry. It does not deal as much damage as the hammer but is quicker and easier to conceal.









Norse Shield:

Will fashioned this Norse Shield for Thorvald. It protects from all attacks but can be broken if it takes too much damage.







Norse Helm:

Similar to the shield, this helm was made by Will and is an important defensive measure. It needs to be repaired from time to time as it does take damage.