As Thorvald the Great and Mighty surveys the waters around him, he realizes that he is royally screwed. His life flashes before his eyes. He sees his mother and father, a couple worthy of epic tales. His father is strong and skilled in the art of warfare. His mother is beautiful and is perfect in the art of healing as well as keeping house. His father trained him well. He has become the mightiest warrior in all of Norse history. His hammer is marred with the blows of enemies and his body is nearly untouched. His skill has caused many tales to be told of his exploits. He is considered unbeatable. His enemies tremble in their boots as the ground quakes beneath his. But this will not help him as he sinks into the icy waters laden down with armor. He sheds his armor but refuses to drop his mighty hammer. As the world goes black, he wonders how he will be remembered.
Cut to modern Minnesota, the Science Museum of Minnesota in St. Paul...
An unknown Norse warrior is on display, kept frozen as he was found in a block of ice, clasping a hammer to his breast and wearing only what we would consider "underwear." A shady looking character hovers near the guide ropes, glancing back and forth for guards before sneaking behind the display. He waves what looks like a Star Trek phaser with a Blackberry on top over the encased figure for a few seconds. A light flashes green. The scientist squeaks in excitement. He quickly covers his mouth and looks to see if he is noticed. He then slips away in the shadows.
Later that night...
The scientist and a moderately good looking fellow sneak into the museum through a back door. Twenty minutes later they sneak out with the icy museum piece. Back in the scientist's lab they lay it on a table and set to work thawing it out, using two industrial strength hair dryers.
"Why can't we just throw him in your giant microwave for a few minutes?" asks the moderately good looking fellow.
Keldon replies, "Because, Neil, if we thaw him out too quickly he will suffer unknown side effects. For all we know he could end up growing a brain tumor."
They proceed to thaw out the body. After three hours Keldon says he needs to go check the machine he plans to restore the warrior in.
Keldon is gone, the hair dryers will take forever, and Neil is losing patience. WHAT SHOULD NEIL DO? Leave your suggestions in the form of comments.
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9 comments:
Matt Schon should break into the Scientist's Lab in the attempt to steal Thorvald's frozen body and turn it into a snow cone.
slay john knickerbocker with the sword.
just kidding, awesome blog.
He can't reach the sword or John Knickerbocker at this time anyway.
Continue thawing with the hair dryer.
Neil should try to reach for a laser-heater...
And you should introduce the "bad guy" soon... :)
I think because we have not really addressed the intelligence of Neil... he should continue like a good igor would and keep blow drying
Keldon should come back with some super duper way of thawing thor.
(the great and mighty)
neil should use thorvald's hammer to break ice... or
neil should use ice pick to chip ice, being very careful of thorvald's genitalia
i think there needs to be a love story or even a love triangle.
when thor gets defrosted he should have to undergo some treatment to be braught back to life. whenthor wakes up he loses all muscle contoll and poops a poop hat has been held for centuries.
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