Episode 3: When a Barbaric Chieftain Met a "Nice Girl"

thorman2005 said...
Neil should take Thorvald the Great and Mighty to see the world... especially white castle.

TONY THE MAN NOT IN THE STORY YET said...
Neil should kill keldon

Syonik said...
figuratively, of course. Thorvald should hold them hostage until they explain the "magic" that brought him to 21st century Minnesota. Then he should tell them the story of himself.
and btw, his hammer definitely needs a real name. perhaps myolnear?

Syonik said...
then he should equip his hammer

Anonymous said...
neil should wipe him off with paper towl and thor has a allergic reaction!

Anonymous said...
Keldon dies!!!!!!!

Keldy said...
Neil should kill Tony

Blogger John Medfords said...
Thorvald should go on a spree of some sort. Preferably a killing one.

Elmo said...
hey... neil should rescue keldy... because keldy is cool... but thor should not die either!

kelsey said...
knickerbocker.... he should meet a girl

As we continue...
As Neil contemplates how his future is going to be without Keldon, he starts to get depressed. He glances down at his watch (it is 9:15 AM) and happens to notice a button that says "Push in case of emregncey." He can't figure out what 'emregncey' means so he just pushes it anyway. Realizing that he should have heard Keldon's skull crack by now, he looks up and sees two statues standing in animated poses.
"Wow!" he exclaims, "Emregncey must be some sort of term for stopping time!"
He decides that he should somehow keep Thorvald from killing Keldon.
"I've got it," he says to himself (and Nesbitt), "If I kill Keldon myself, Thorvald won't have the chance!"
He then pulls out his handy knife (it has a hand carved on the handle) and stabs Keldon in the chest. As Keldon explodes in a rain of sparks and metallic debris Neil realizes that there were probably better options. He then realizes that Keldon must have had some sort of bionic implant. Otherwise how could he have exploded "in a rain of sparks and metallic debris?"
At a beep from his watch Thorvald's hammer comes crashing down into the large pile of excrement (see the end of episode 2) near where Keldon had been standing.
"Well that was odd," says Keldon as he walks in from the other room, "Something must be wrong with my drone."
"Umm...it was fine a second ago," says Neil.
"Well the camera just went out."
"I have no clue what happened. It just exploded in a rain of sparks and metallic debris."
Suddenly they are both grasped by two brawny arms and lifted into the air.
"Who are you puny men and what sort of magic did you use to transport me here?" asks the very perplexed warrior.
"Put us down!" scream Keldon and Neil and, for some unknown reason, Nesbitt.
The warrior slowly lowers them to the floor and waits for his answer.
"You were frozen in a block of ice at subzero temperatures causing suspended animation for centuries until we were able to thaw you out and you woke up screaming just now," explains Keldon with a large degree of nervous shaking.
"WHAT?"
"You got froze," explains the ever helpful Neil. "In fact, you're still a little wet."
Keldon hastily grabs a paper towel from the shelf and wipes off Thorvald's chest.
"IT BURNS!"
"Hmm..." muses Keldon, "something has caused an unforeseen side effect of paper allergy."
"I didn't do anything."
"Are you sure you didn't put him in the microwave?"
"Well actually," begins Nesbitt.
Neil kicks the large machine and it whines a downward glissando-diminuendo as it goes to sleep.
"Did you just kick Nesbitt?" asks a perplexed Keldon.
"No."
The duo decides that Thorvald should be educated on the workings of modern culture so that he can be integrated into society.
"First off, we can't keep calling you Thorvald. It's kind of outdated. How about Thor?"
"Well...I guess that would be okay."
As they head to the mall, they explain the many innovations of modern technology. He has an extremely receptive mind and it goes quite well. They leave him in the car (after carefully measuring his dimensions) while they go inside so as not to upset everyone with his 'underwear.' They buy him some nice 'outdoorsy' gear and call it a day.
Back at the lab, they help him dress and even sew a pocket inside his coat so that he can conceal his hammer (which he refers to as 'myolnear'). Through the door pops a man who no words could describe.
"Excuse me, is this Quests Lmtd.? My name is Tony and my family has been kidnapped."
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" yells the ever outrageable Thor, "We must find them at once!"
"Well if you're going on a quest you're going to need a female assistant," says Neil.
"Why?"
"That's just how it's done."
"Well where can we find one?"
"We'll just head over to Assassins 'R' Us."
They enter the store and are immediately accosted by the store manager. Did I say accosted? I meant assaulted.
"We just need a female assassin!" yells Keldon as Thor reaches for his hammer. "We don't want any trouble."
"Oh. I'm so sorry. Did you want the hardened criminal type or the attractive, catch-you-off-guard type?"
"Umm...whichever's cheaper."
"Try aisle seven."
They pick out an affordable yet functional assassin (her name is Kelsey) and head to the check out counter. Back at the lab they bring her out of her suspended animation.
"Where am I?"
"Not this again..."
"Oh, I remember. I was put in suspended animation while I wait for my paycheck."
"For a hit?" asks Neil.
"A what? I was a test subject for a nasal spray."
"So you're not an assassin?"
"No."
"Well, she'll have to do anyway."

The group is assembled and ready to go but they have no weaponry and no knowledge of who they are up against. Where should they get more information? As always, leave suggestions in the form of comments (which can be found just above the beginning of the episode. Remember, no outcomes, only actions). You give an action, I give an outcome.