Episode 8: Taking Out the Trash

Syonik said...
Thorvald uses his magical goats, Tanngrisnir and Tanngnost to ride through the heavens to the North Pole, where he begins a siege on the workshop.

As we continue...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the cave
Not a creature was stirring not even a knave.

The Grinch was plotting by the chimney with care
For the devious Saint Nick soon would be there.

Rainbow Valkyrie was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of birdseed danced in her head.

Thor in his kerchief and Neil in his cap
Were just laying down for their pre-plot nap.

When suddenly the Grinch made such a clatter
That Thor and Neil sprung up to see what was the matter.

He said, "Go to the window," they flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver so lively and quick
They knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

"All right," says the Grinch. "It's time to go."
"Shall we trudge right out," says Thor, "Into the snow?"
"It's not that cold, it's only twenty below"
"But oh, would you listen to that wind blow!"
"Will you two quit rhyming? You're giving me a headache!" Neil shouts.

"How are we going to get to the North Pole?" asks Thor.
"Well actually," says the Grinch, "He doesn't actually live at the North Pole. The North Pole is barren and lifeless. There's nothing there but icebergs, water, a few polar bears, and some half-eaten seal corpses. No, he actually lives in Lapland, Finland."
"Well how are we going to get there?"
"Well I have these two goats..."
"Goats? How are you going to use goats to get there?" Neil interjects.
"They're magical goats. They can fly. But I only have two of them so one of us has to walk."
"Not it." Thor and Neil chime in.
"Poop babies." the Grinch says as he realizes he will have to resort to alternative transportation.
"Well let's get to it," says Thor.

Thor mounts Tanngrisnir as Neil mounts Tanngnost. They fly over the United States and then over the Atlantic Ocean. As they begin their descent down to Finland Neil decides that the status of his bladder was approaching an emergency. He let his fly down and let fly with his urine (which ended up hitting a kindly old German on vacation).

Neil's cell phone begins ringing.
"Hello?"
"Yes. This is the Grinch speaking. I was wondering what was taking you two so long."
"We're just landing in the village now. How did you beat us?"
"I took the teleporter of course. It causes one to be sick for a while but you get over it."
"Why didn't we all take it?"
"It's expensive. Plus the writer wanted to have an excuse to throw in Thor's magical goats."
"Ah. I see."
"Meet me at the pub."
"Which one? There's millions."
"The one right in front of you, silly."

They meet up and head to the nearby toy shop. There they find an army of elves waiting for them.

"This is not going to be pretty." Neil says.
"Let's get to it." Thor says.

They pull out their industrial strength cue ball launchers and fire a volley into the crowd. Eight fall. The elves fire various children's weaponry at them. Thor, Neil, and the Grinch do their best to dodge Nerf® darts, ping pong balls, fake arrows, and marbles. They then fire back. And so it goes until both sides run out of ammunition.

"Charge!" shouts Thor.

They go in, fists blazing (this is due to the flaming gloves they are wearing). They punch and kick left and right, subduing countless enemies. They finally reach the entrance, jump inside, and slam the door on the throng of midgets.

Once inside they trash the place and steal all the loot.

"This is the last Christmas he will plague mankind with his vile scheme of evil avarice," Thor declares.

They thank the Grinch for his help as he teleports back to Mount Rainier. They then fly back to their base.

"Wow!" Neil shouts, "Look at all the presents under the tree!"
"I'm glad you like it," Kelsey says.
In the spirit of the moment Thor is heard to say, "Merry Christmas to all!"
"And to all a good night!" says the creepy old man in red.